“Less of a man?”

It was Monday morning when l excitedly told my work friend Lisa about the book l was reading –”Untamed”. Lisa could see how happy l was to have found a collection that related to conformity, romance and sexual freedom. I spent the whole morning telling her how much of us relate to the author’s experiences- Lisa was puzzled and annoyed about of how obsessed l was with this book, particularly the cheetah caged only for tourists’ amusement in Game parks.

I totally understood Lisa because unlike her l do not see the world on first value. I am that type that gets into blankets shivering because of a fictional story of how women are abused — that’s how sensitive l am. “But we are not cheetahs, and definitely, we do not live in a game park, so forget about it and let us work..” she snorted, and l could sense her frustration.

I spent the whole week thinking about what makes us different from all animals kept in cages for human satisfaction. The world is a stage, and we are all players l remembered!!. I reflected on how our social psyche is our cage, and our beauty is in the eyes of a beholder. We aim to eat, grow, advance and satisfy

A few weeks later, l was invited to speak on a topic around the purpose & the economy- born and bred in Zimbabwe has made it difficult for most of us to pursue our purpose passionately. I stood on the podium and shared a personal story of how my father struggled to pay our family bills, causing him to suffer from emotional stress. So my mother and l offered to help by covering most of the bills and letting him have his break.

Before l could take my sit — l was socially crucified by men present. I listened carefully when one man stood up and totally dismiss my submission. He said “Hazel, I do not think that it is proper for women to help their men to take care of the household chores as it will make men too comfortable and less of a man.” Whilst most men cheered him up , l was thinking about the caged cheetah in a game park. I shared this experience in confidence that the economy is terrible and women, too, have the responsibility to pay for the bills, not rely and pressurize men based on human satisfaction.

I regretted not bringing Lisa to this event because l wanted her to hear what the cage has done to us and how the cage has conditioned us to think that our purpose is just for us to stay in this game park for human amusement. Does the cheetah in the game park ever wonder about its wildness and how it is fast– No, l do not think so. Does a woman paying bills affect how a man is viewed and considered?

Then l heard something interesting, “You know if a woman has money to pay the bills and give to the kids- she should give the man the money instead so that the kids and other people who see will continue to respect him, no one has to know that it is not his..” again a vigorous Applause — this is Zimbabwe in 2022. I felt my blood boiling, and all l wanted was my corner to vent. I needed to call Lisa and ask her if she ever wondered what makes a man a man. Is there such a thing called less of a man? Are you not a man just because you were born male and you identify yourself as a man?

I could see very proud men in the room supporting each other, and my lung turned- do l respect my father because he pays the bill or because he is my father, and no amount of money should determine that. I remembered my aunt telling me when l was 12 that l should thrive on getting a rich man that will pay the bills and financially take care of me- what if l can pay the bills and take care of myself financially ( do l still need that man ? l wondered )

A real man takes care of his family; they say — what if he reached a point where he cannot? What will make of him?

We all live in a cage but being a man must be a set-up, and when a man turns out to be exactly how he was raised to be “pretense strength and ironic resilience”, the world gets shocked. They already ride on Adam’s popularity of the first assignment, taking it on board without contextualization. Adam might have been told to eat the fruits of his sweat, but Eve was not prohibited from also sweating and providing her fruits to Adam, which led to the genesis of this realization and differentiation of such roles.

What if the primary lesson from Adam’s assignment is not confinement but advancement? Maybe it was not meant to put us in a cage like a wild animal in a game park but to create a system of social order. So anything to keep such a system of the social order of peace and harmony should be tolerated. What if it’s not up to us to determine who is a real man and who is not because before such gender roles were announced — a man existed

Earlier this week l was driving in my hood, and l parked my car a few blocks from my place near two young boys playing. They looked at my car twice, and l could sense contentment. I smiled and asked, “Do you like it ?” they nodded their heads quickly, but one of them asked if it was mine, and l said yes, but they seemed not to believe me — they asked if l could start the car and move it a bit — in their mind that is how l should prove my car ownership. So laughing out loud l did that and they screamed with happiness going away. As they drafted away, l looked at the two little shadows and wondered what was going through their minds. Their happiness matched a man who had discovered a gem in a sewage pipe.

They seem to have witnessed a young woman in her early twenties driving a car that she owns, so I am assuming that twenty years later, one of them is not going to stand up in a conference full of people and say a woman cannot or should not own a car as it will make her man uncomfortable and less of a man. Their faces resembled a caged cheetah that has discovered its wildness and life outside this game park. I figured that this is an experience that is going to stay in their tiny minds forever.

I believe a man should be respected , recognized and treated fairly because he is a man. There is no need to commercialize manhood as it will create unbreakable expectations that feed our oblivion in our cages