Feminist Activism : At what cost ….?
Every time l travel, l always buy stuff l do not need because am an impulsive buyer. Everything with a price looks beautiful to me, and sometimes l feel and hear the voice of my conscience telling me to buy. But, Everything has a price, a price that we pay.
Feminism can be an idea, a belief or a publicity stunt, but in my little journey as feminist- l have learnt its dark side and the price paid. When l entered the space, l was damaged; l needed to heal from my past demons. I needed to escape an almost rape incident ( that didn’t happen), fighting with relatives, losing my father and seeing the pain in my mother’s eyes every day; l felt safe in the space. The feminist ideology is quickly sold and accepted to vulnerable girls who are still looking for validation, and at some point, l was that girl.
Looking at yourself in the mirror, you see nothing but a grave of shadows and images of despair. You want to belong, and you want to believe. It took me a while to understand what we sacrifice when we sign our innocent social psyche to this ‘impossible-look like reality’. It took a break for me to understand the price l have paid to enter this beautiful- scary space. I joined this space for numerous reasons, but the chief one is that l wanted to “heal”, and being judged was the last thing l wanted. I was welcomed, l was praised… the space has opportunities and can change course if rightly applied. The idea of feminist activism became my identity and source of inspiration, but it came at a cost.
Firstly, l unknowingly sacrificed my social innocence. Our cultural and social curriculum builds a confident social being rooted in social and gender conformity. I might not have been a perfect compliant person, but l was innocent of what deviance can do to how you view the world. I always thought that playing by the rules is safe and the world is generous enough to give each one their place. I was wrong. Perusing the journey of feminist activists can take away your social virginity — it can show you the unforeseen brutality against women and girls. You see, people like you normalizing injustice and defending it. It corrupts your free will into a knight of justice. It tempers your trust instincts because everyone is a suspect of being your Judas Iscariot.
Secondly, I sacrificed my normal part of emotional health. You cannot be a feminist activist and still remain emotionally sober. The world will term you “angry” because it is not used to rejection and challenges. Society will fight you, and your fellow women will selectively support you. There is a thin line between feminism and mismanaged anger. But who said you could not be an angry feminist?. This world has got a social prescription with its genesis being what feminism is not.. you can fight for your space and get the chair on the table, but you will not be the same mentally. The world will test your limits and how far you can act.
Thirdly, my image paid the price. Before l joined the space, my family knew me as a quiet girl who went through so much but now I am known as the “ gender person”. Sometimes people do not discuss some issues because the image has changed. The mentioning of the word “feminist “ has been equally converted to terrorism and the enemy of the state. Sometimes we cannot blame society when it has not been socially socialized to understand the price that feminist leaders pay. Sometimes it feels like a burden and not a pleasure.
Above all, there is a need to invest more in healing and care for feminist activists . I was confused about what exactly is feminism trying to achieve until l understood that it is a personal narrative that comes with a price.
